Maptastic

Christopher Columbus discovered Jamaica in 1496 and a couple voyages later he ended up marooned there for well over a year. The Spaniards had it good for a while, pretending they were gods and demanding the natives bring them offerings of food and women. With miracles in short supply and the look I can pull my thumb off routine wearing thin, the natives soon grew tired of saying Yes Almighty and No Your Biggness and You want to do what to my sister and stopped feeding them. Crafty as always and desperate to keep his baby maddah on the side, Christopher pulled out his almanac and used the old solar eclipse gag which is still in use on the island today.

How does this little bit of history relate to us?

Our travels are going to be taking us from the balmy climes of Toronto in December down to Florida to participate in the local pastimes of Bingo and Outlet Mall shopping. We’ll be heading up to the middle of Florida to see the pinnacle of human engineering, the representation of humanity’s desire to achieve and stride forward…we’re going to Disney. After that we might check out that Cape Canaveral place where they do that space stuff.

Once we take our fill of the Riviera of the South we’ll head down to Jamaica to spend some time with my parents. Thus far the extended family has been regaling Tash with whimsical stories about the world renowned Jamaican hospitality. The fact that Jamaica has the highest homicide rate per-capita and their open minded attitude and tolerance towards homosexuality is often exhibited by a good old fashioned biblical stoning. They nostalgically recount that the Jamaicans’ favorite means of resolving disputes is still the innocuous ice pick with the gentile machette coming a close second.

With armed escort in mind, have a gander at some of the places that we’re thinking of visiting.

Once we return from Jamaica we’re going to be cramming all of our stuff into Denise’s Mini for a cross country road trip across the You Ess of Ehh. The highpoints for me are searching for the perfect fried chicken, trying to eat a 72 oz steak, enjoying the mermaid show in Weeki Wachee Florida, and maybe seeing the World’s Biggest Ball of String. On my shopping list is a plaster bust of Elvis and perhaps a pair of cow horns from Texas for the front of my ride.

Along the way we’ll be documenting our travels on this blog so stay tuned.

So have a look at the places that we had in mind. Let me know your recommendations and I’ll update the maps. Share the love and leave a comment below.